Philosophy: Hate... Love

Oh, here's one I tripped upon that I like:

"It is better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what your not"
Quote from Hiba Bashir in MineKey

And think about it. It can be used in a lot of situations and everyday life examples. And that all drives down to simply be yourself, responsible for what you do, and similarly. I find it very well applicable for me, and I hope it for you as well.

Like for one, would you rather be loved for someone you are not, or be not loved for being someone you are.. That can really bring a hell of a long story with this Philosophy as one that I did adopt in Love. And that should also be probably explaining 25% of my second relationship's problem I think about. Is that, you know, usually during the initial part of a relationship, things are usually smooth under a lot of "fake" smoke ups..

So called "fake" smoke ups are like a form of delusions which cannot be totally trusted of. Things went smooth due to so many unestablished "credits" such as giving in acts, problems ain't surface that early nature, communication peaks, effort and energy sources at priorities, etc etc. And why do I personally would label them all as "fake" smoke ups are because they are not a normal situational based. They are by effort caused to behave so.

Sounds like I am making it sound complicated, but it is actually not. If you look and observe, and you can see that smoothness in operation of a relationship will operate at it's very peak due to the pool of effort it gathers from the couple. But as the whole thing grew longer, it is very high upkeep and maintainence to keep maintain it at that level. The energy and effort slowly diverse out due to a lot of factors such as no problems arise so don't need to spend so much effort on it, and love is secured and some other more factors.

The diversification of efforts and energies will reach to a point of manageable and sufficient in order to supply attention and energy to both the relationship and every other necessary involved such as work, play, friends, studies, personal, etc. And that this effort in comparison with the earlier period to be lesser but more constant. That would be the energy that is so called not pretentious and natural. Upkeep is kept to the very minimal and that is at the point of "you are" when previously at "you are not".

Well, my second relationship work out just like the above illustrated norm. But this nature has an ambiguous ending which is non-predictable, and that determines how the relationship is going to be. Like for instance we can come out with a few possibilities:

1. The relationship maintained on and on and on until both of them dies. So called this "lasting love" and in the process, things are so smooth, clam and unexciting. No one rock the "boat" and the couple enjoyed every moment they had.
2. The relationship went on and on until one of them decided to even withdraw the maintaining effort and distribute it to other activities (e.g. work, play, friends, etc). And the imbalance of effort pulls tightly the relationship which the tension is obliviously felt by the couple. Either the effort is to be covered up by the other partner, or the partner that withdrew the effort reinstate the effort, or the relationship end. Nature is unintentional.
   
3. The relationship went on and on until one of them just withdraw the maintaining effort and distribute it to other activities (specifically forming a new relationship). And the imbalance of effort pulls tightly the relationship which the tension is obliviously felt by the couple, waiting for the relationship to end. Nature is intentional.

The first possibility is obviously not what I had experienced in my second relationship, in fact, is the third. Which of course, the utmost "what you are" is looking at you as one person. And the rest, leave it up to your imagination...

Signs & Symptoms

This is what my "5th October" says:

'The Eight of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in space. I am true to myself and will only regret the chances I don't take to seek or follow my hearts desire. I turn away from or make a clean sweep of that which does not honor or sustain my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone. I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go.' -Astrology.com

I think these three days makes a one very important point, one that either I am true to myself, or I am not true to myself but I still have the time to change and be true to myself. It's been a big bother to me, and all started right from the point of me having a new hair cut (yup! I have a new hair style now...) and I don't know where to place the end to the boundary of extend. Haunting season is close and I think I got to face myself soon, and I know I am not going to like it. I can still remember the very past of me when I was single after my first break-off with my first love... I am almost like Autism patient, quietly staying in my room staring blankly at the wall, or ceiling (when I should be at the internet and outside).

Used to do lots of evaluation and re-evaluation in the past, but when I came to become busy and more busy, I lost my rhythm and do lesser and lesser each time I give an excuse for myself. "Oh, everything is going well, don't think I should evaluate. In fact I should appreciate..." And now, is such a long distant thing which I got to conduct even though I am not very keen in doing it. So many feelings have lost through the brush on time, and what's left is the memory lane.

'I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go.' Sigh, it is pretty obvious to me that the card is speaking to me today pretty precisely. Usually, it would be more blunt in what it's try to say. And this is not very helpful, so to speak cause it's followed before.. 'I (turn away from/make) a clean sweep of that which does not (honor/sustain) my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone.' Trying to make me choose what I gonna do with this.. Gonna sigh again.

My Quote section came in this:

Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.
~Henry David Thoreau

And then, now that I am thinking of what Anson said to me on the very Sunday early-time. I guess maybe he got me this time, hit right on the nail. Really starting to doubt on myself and everything else I did. Was I hiding? Was I running from the problem? Did I faced it, or did I thought I faced it? How come all the used to be answered doesn't seem to have any answer now.. Pretty screwed-up at this time of the period in the year. How come must there be so much pain to feel and so little sweetness to taste...

It is either God or Fate hinting me intensively on something alright... Turning away from the screen and start pondering...

P.S. Even though all my references are of Wikipedia, but always remember they are just for references and nothing else.