Intensively Job-hunting

Crazy it may sounds, but actually I have been busy job finding for the past one month to two months now. It's really been taxing and almost declared useless to try and find job and get all worked up I guess. Economic was said to have stabilized since the last time news reported, but to find job now is really a bad situation to work with. Oh, but nonetheless, one can't stop trying to make it happen, isn't it?

Well, for me, I have been constantly working around twelve job finding portals and make a point to send resume whenever I possibly could convince myself 'it won't hurt to give it a try'. I wouldn't dare to claim to be the worst candidate ever, but neither am I the best.. Also, I don't think that I am in the worst situation compared to probably a lot more other people who have been affected the same way as I do.

Strangely enough, I seem to be attending to quite a few interviews over the searching period and yet, I am still left unemployed. I personally won't believe if I did any critical mistake during interviews, but I just don't understand why either. I guess, its the constant perseverance that I gotta keep up with to win this "fight" now. Hmm.. just to hope to get employed and stay employed soon. Wish me better luck guys! =D

My Studies Progression

A new Trimester started: Trimester 1, 2009. Finally the usually long and not so packed time plan with the study loads I chose to take. This Trimester, I have of course chosen to take four modules as well. And it has by far, just started with this week. The study plan is pretty tightly placed side by side, but then, by the outline of it, it is just fine as it should be. Oh, talking about my this Trimester reminded me to speak of my Trimester 3 of last year. I am sure you will be very curious to know what kind of grade did I get for that right?

Well, it wasn't bad at all, it was not bad, just that it wasn't something that I had planned for at all. It was so called "sub-standard" grades all thanks to the unresponsive results of assignments and online tests. But good enough to not to retake the modules and delay my course plan, yup I scored Ps (Passes) and Cs (Credits) for my four modules in an even manner. And so, it wasn't so bad at the end of the day.

And so due to the exam results, I have decided to plan a pre-attempt to finish the required assignment to perfection and not last-minute preparation in order to earn more marks for my final results for this Trimester. And only after that that I would go out and get on with getting into a part-time job once again. And luckily for this time, I was given roughly four main assignments and one online test, and that one online test is for my Business Finance Module.

Good going and hoping for a smooth sailing as well. Having hiccups here and there doesn't mean that I shouldn't get on with whatever that is waiting for me in the future right.. Just got to learn and let things go. Oh, and for my this Trimester, I am so much happier.. I have found myself a friend to study Business Communication Module with and a very potent Barrister as my lecturer for my Corporation Law Module.

And curiously, for the past three Trimester that I took I seemed to be taught by these two lecturers for which ever I selected.. Miss Ricci Loh and Mr Harjinder. Very remarkable lecturers, but then, I just didn't know whats the problem lies in for me to under-perform under their supervision and guidance. But I guess the best modules that happens to also be quite a challenge (it basically means killer modules) are Audit and Taxation.

Oh and I think I do enjoy Business Communication very much. The lecturer is so chirpy and can present herself really well.. And the best part is, you are not required to learn a lot and remember and apply them. But more like learning in specific on how to totally deliver and present in multiple manners to multiple audiences and stuffs like that.. I think that's the kind of less brain, more interaction modules that I enjoy bah.

Edios for now, remember to come back and visit my blog often than not.. =D Have a nice weekday!

Last Day of Work...

Last day of work comes in many forms so does reasons to this end of work. Usually comes planned, but exceptions are that some are unplanned. And like usual, planned last day to work are usually noted with very big red circle by both the supervisor of the employee and the effected employee you see. And you see, the point being, I am not in this usual way of last day of work... And that pissed me quite a lot.

The Finance Manager governs my supervisor is this middle-aged woman with spectacles and dressed in some clothes and looks really Cantonese (I don't even know 'Cantonese' can be used this way...). She tried very hard to usually portrays that she is an understanding person and she has good command of management and such. And she tries even harder to make herself looks very courteous and kind towards employees under her and hardest when she tries to make her point over.

She would deem herself improvising kind of person, but I would deem her self-righteous. And the best part about her is that, her management is pretty messy actually. So messy that she thought she got things all under-controlled but then, when it comes to audit, she discover things don't turn out the way it should be. And she actually drove say some temporary staff working directly under her stressed and resigned within a month.

It was only lucky for me that she wasn't my direct supervisor, but some Assistant Accountant under her. Oh well, my job went past to her, not my supervisor anyway. It happened so that one day as she was talking to me and then we discussed about the working schedule and she wanted me to work for the last week of the month. And I was like, "Why would I be working by then? I mean, my contract date will already be by then ended..." and do you know what she says? She said something very unprofessionally to what I think.. "Then I would expect you to renew your contract."

That word.. That demanding tone of voice.. when through my spine like some irritants tickling my bones. So out and proud and expect and demanded so.. It's like, didn't you learned Business Law before? The purpose of contract and everything like terms? And did she even asked me what's my plan about my contract? She has totally disregarded me, completely misplaced my position like some non-living things.. Pissed is under-rated.

Anyway, I pointed out the fact that as an employer, it shouldn't happen so. She shouldn't have misunderstood my contract and lastly, claimed that why I didn't inform her that my contract ended before that.. Making a big fuss and said that she wasn't aware and stuffs and that I should have at least told her. I mean, personally and logically, would you go around telling everyone "Hey, my last day is end of this month ley.." I wouldn't at least.. It definitely one thing will affect the working motivation and morals of the around staffs. And second, it's not a proud thing about the last day of work.

Anyway, days later, she just bring forward my termination five days earlier from expected.. unexpectedly. I would assume that this is an act of frustration and pissed that she doesn't know about my contract end date and stuffs and so just did me off. Oh well, anyway, it's that how Singapore society sees temporary contract and part-time staffs right? Like dirt. The highest workloads, us.. The highest benefits, them.. The highly-paid them.. The lowly-seen us.. =X Tsk tsk tsk

Work for Full 2 Weeks

Somehow or another, working part-time ain't as easy as it seems. It seems to only matters what you can do during your work and the brain processing to measure it's difficulty. Last week, since my exam lied on the middle two weeks, I got to work the first and the last week of the month for full two weeks. Didn't get a chance to rest much even though it's two weeks of none working.. Well, explainable right? Cause I was doing my exam revision.

And now, here I am taking on another full week of work. And the things are required to do seemed pretty new as I seemed to be not doing a specific department's focus, but rather, general. But when it comes to a department, I am recognized as that of in the Accounts. Do basic Accounts required.. Oh, and at the same time, learned few tactics about analyzing information and data. Putting years of data for some guy to make sense out of and make decision on. Cool!

And finally, I am proud to say that I have used AccPac before.. Some stupid Accounting software that is ERP versioned and my manager was like so proud of it, when I personally feel that it is more giving the user more work than making the work if Accounts easier. Comparing this with my previous company's Accounting software: QuickBook Pro.. I would think that QuickBook Pro is so much easier to use and the control and everything is better.

Oh well, probably they just want to feel proud saying that they are using AccPac ERP version. Oh and they use god damn lots of softwares.. They also used Hyperion and CubeBox or something. It's like, "Com'on! IT softwares are meant to lighten work, enhance performance and make things easier.." and they are like killing themselves with so many different platforms to use and follow. Hmm.. Probably they will need a lot of synchronising at the end of the day.

Work never been easy, but if humans put their minds into it, yes, work can get so much easier. The only undiversifiable work will be manual need of work such as keying data and doing paper documentation. And probably red tapes are included too.. But when it comes to process, seriously, technology is the key.. Or is it.. =)

Philosophy: Hate... Love

Oh, here's one I tripped upon that I like:

"It is better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what your not"
Quote from Hiba Bashir in MineKey

And think about it. It can be used in a lot of situations and everyday life examples. And that all drives down to simply be yourself, responsible for what you do, and similarly. I find it very well applicable for me, and I hope it for you as well.

Like for one, would you rather be loved for someone you are not, or be not loved for being someone you are.. That can really bring a hell of a long story with this Philosophy as one that I did adopt in Love. And that should also be probably explaining 25% of my second relationship's problem I think about. Is that, you know, usually during the initial part of a relationship, things are usually smooth under a lot of "fake" smoke ups..

So called "fake" smoke ups are like a form of delusions which cannot be totally trusted of. Things went smooth due to so many unestablished "credits" such as giving in acts, problems ain't surface that early nature, communication peaks, effort and energy sources at priorities, etc etc. And why do I personally would label them all as "fake" smoke ups are because they are not a normal situational based. They are by effort caused to behave so.

Sounds like I am making it sound complicated, but it is actually not. If you look and observe, and you can see that smoothness in operation of a relationship will operate at it's very peak due to the pool of effort it gathers from the couple. But as the whole thing grew longer, it is very high upkeep and maintainence to keep maintain it at that level. The energy and effort slowly diverse out due to a lot of factors such as no problems arise so don't need to spend so much effort on it, and love is secured and some other more factors.

The diversification of efforts and energies will reach to a point of manageable and sufficient in order to supply attention and energy to both the relationship and every other necessary involved such as work, play, friends, studies, personal, etc. And that this effort in comparison with the earlier period to be lesser but more constant. That would be the energy that is so called not pretentious and natural. Upkeep is kept to the very minimal and that is at the point of "you are" when previously at "you are not".

Well, my second relationship work out just like the above illustrated norm. But this nature has an ambiguous ending which is non-predictable, and that determines how the relationship is going to be. Like for instance we can come out with a few possibilities:

1. The relationship maintained on and on and on until both of them dies. So called this "lasting love" and in the process, things are so smooth, clam and unexciting. No one rock the "boat" and the couple enjoyed every moment they had.
2. The relationship went on and on until one of them decided to even withdraw the maintaining effort and distribute it to other activities (e.g. work, play, friends, etc). And the imbalance of effort pulls tightly the relationship which the tension is obliviously felt by the couple. Either the effort is to be covered up by the other partner, or the partner that withdrew the effort reinstate the effort, or the relationship end. Nature is unintentional.
   
3. The relationship went on and on until one of them just withdraw the maintaining effort and distribute it to other activities (specifically forming a new relationship). And the imbalance of effort pulls tightly the relationship which the tension is obliviously felt by the couple, waiting for the relationship to end. Nature is intentional.

The first possibility is obviously not what I had experienced in my second relationship, in fact, is the third. Which of course, the utmost "what you are" is looking at you as one person. And the rest, leave it up to your imagination...

Post-Examination: 2008 Trimester 3

Holly crap, finally it's all over.. Finally now I can call it a 2009 for the real time.. Finally I can take a really really deep breathe and say, 'so long 2008!'. My sleepless nights, and brain-drained days have finally come to some end and am going to celebrate it with lots of sleep (well-deserved ones) be it the grades that is going to come out in weeks more time to be good or bad. I missed the touch of my bed badly. Hugs~

The papers tormented me with multiple-choice questions, short-answer questions as well as structured questions and finally I can rest my eyes without the need to give any answers of any sorts now. But then again, recapping the whole exam thingy is kind of bad. I wasn't really that well prepared for some of the paper after all and one of those expected to perform slightly below averaged was Management. Reason: I didn't have any classes to attend, thus relaxed on my revision.

And the next not-so well prepared ones are none other than Business Law. Dang, and only until my paper do I understand that my lecturer was kind of crapped the application of principles up. My revision was quite minimal and yet this minimal revision was with the information my lecturer was focusing on a lot with the classes. I am sure most of my classmates would agreed that the application of Law was somehow or another being mistaken for.

Hmm.. initially I thought, Business Law should be compared to the rest, slightly easier (at least for me) due to the understanding that I don't need to memorize facts, just need to know where to get those available information and how to apply them. Usually the memory part would deal me great deal of trouble, due to one part of my human flaws: forgetfulness.

Well, other then the above two mentioned modules, my Economics Principles were not bad. But just not that perfect that's all. All the required information was a spot-on and the answering was quite smooth, just didn't got the chance to remember some information left and right, and thus, wasted some critical argument point and marks around and about.

And not to forget about the last not mentioned modules being Fundamentals of Finance. God.. I sure did slipped another few lots of important points and some definitive stuffs. Overall a ok. Hmm, just did a bit of regret that I didn't check my Yahoo Mail earlier before I prepare for the exam. As the focus given by the unit chair have left out something, she decided to compensate us by revealing the one question that was told to left out in the preparation of exam. Well, and if I did check my Yahoo Mail, then I would have so called picked up 'free given marks' le. Sadly, no.

Pre-Examination: 2008 Trimester 3

This is the one of those days that I would be like touching lots of papers and books, pens and notes, surfing my online references and doing past year papers.. Yes, the determining day is round the corner, determining how well will my papers be graded with the already gotten marks through assignments and tests.. Which is in fact one of the few things I really do frown over..

You see, with the aid of something like assignments and online tests, it can really bring the marks closer to what the examinations, and in fact is one of those potential helps around anyway. Especially with the nature or assignments and online tests which are certain and clear, ample of time and space and best is still the availability of resources and information which doesn't need to be memorized but only apply to the required. What's more can one students ask for?! Erm.. Actually there is, like, let their weightage of marks be more than examination lor.. >_<

Hmm.. Anyway, what's done is done.. If you have to know, all I scored for my assignments and online tests are just passes by the scrap of the borderline. And that means, they will so call "pull down" my marks in the way that I have lost those marks even before my exam paper.. And that explains my next part, work doubly hard in revision for my exam papers.

One of the most important factor in determining an examination's preparation is none other than the exam schedule, and that seems to be on my side, but not perfectly my side, just enough to get things work out. And second would be the availability and clarity of requirements of information needed to be gone through for the paper. And that would mean in short 'the focus'. And the range would be wide or narrow focus..

Wide focus would means you have to get everything in your head, if possible, EVERYTHING.. If not possible, some important facts of everything. And narrow focus would means concentration on the application portion rather than elaboration on the facts and information. Hmm.. after all these things I shared, all boils down to one final thing, give it your Ultimate God Damn best shot! XD Hmm.. Oh, anyway, I'll be having two papers one after the other this coming week and other two papers one after the other the next coming week.

Give me all the available luck and blessings!

Dragon Boat & Volunteering: Planning Phase

Well, remember that I mentioned that I planned to join Dragon Boat right? Hmm.. I did took an initiative to look up on Dragon Boat and stuffs and I came across this interesting team that happens to be an active volunteer group as well. The group I am talking about is CCWA (Caregiver Counseling Welfare Association) Dragon Boat Team. So, there's two items here, one is the Organization, and the other is the Team.

So the Organization is this CCWA as mentioned earlier which provides assistance and aids to people with disability, mental illness, life threatening diseases, and lonely elders too. A very wide range of recipients so to say. And as for the Dragon Boat Team under this well, is kind of unknown right now. Hmm.. And of course, from all first impression is that Dragon boat is so hard so hard, this and that. Well, I don't give in to things that I never tried, and so, yeah, I guess I will plan my way out probably after my Exams in February.

Hmm.. As for volunteering, that reminds me that Shahul korkor is doing some mentoring and stuffs as a volunteer for a long while now. Probably I will consult him on where did he do his flexible and fun volunteering.. But just as I was doing my personal research on the net, I think I did found something which quite suit my liking, volunteering at Students Care Service. Like what the name of the volunteer Organization says, it's main beneficiaries are towards mainly children and youths. But at the same time, involves family members, youth offenders, and schools too!

Wow, and I always thought of giving tries as consultants or counselor and facilitator.. Now is my time to put on such tries through volunteering. It has three centers: Clementi, Hougang and Yishun. That's one of the reason as well, at least it is along a convienent line of way, and that's Clementi. LOL.. Volunteering until like that, so fussy right? Anyway, one of my reason of volunteering is that I want to tune to understand different people from different crosses of life.

Probably it would do me great deal of tuning for personal good as well as a form of observation of human behaviour which I would deem as a form of Psychological understanding bah. I did of course, thought before of going into the field of study in Psychology. But definitely not going to me by first field nor main field of works.. not unless I have a Master or PhD on it and a international license to practise and research.

Anyway, that's about it... Hopefully, this entry will lead you to feel good about knowing someone who am going to do good to the society, or motivates you to join me in the route of contributing to the needies. I on the other hand, do really got to put my work and studies before all though, wish me good luck bah!

Getting Busy.. Busy.. Busier.. Busiest

Busy, is the one word and only word I can use to describe the feeling. You know all the posts that came late, the MIA (Missing In Action) act and the unheard unseen unspoken presence.. Well, yes, is all the contribution to and from this: Cause I am BUSY!

One sole contribution to busy is none other than my School. Dang! I never did expected that is what do they means by Trimester 3 is shorter.. You know, for what I used to have in my mind is 'oh, 1 year there's 12 months.. therefore, per Trimester should be roughly 4 months period..'. Unfortunately, for the Christ sake, after I experienced it, and I got to tell you, Trimester 3 is indeed shorter. Oh, and more screwed up as well, after all, Christmas is in Trimester 3 so is lots of breaks and stuffs for the Australians..

Well, it's as well, my first attempt to cope with four modules in a Trimester. Very bad move, but then, I suppose I am going to do it again in 2009 Trimester 3. Hmm.. Anyway, like I said, I chosen four modules that Trimester. It's in a way fortunate as they are pretty foundational modules that starts with 'Principles of...', 'Fundamentals of...', etc. And one of which is Business Law, a pre-requisite of Corporation Law.

Hmm.. the Lecturer is this middle-aged Lawyer and my classes are generally scheduled on Saturdays. Yup, it is indeed something to be damned over. Studying Law modules on a peaceful and completely-harmless weekend. If considering my sleeping habits, you can truly say that my Saturday will be left with eight hours before Sunday arrives. Well, that's how it is. The Business Law class is somewhat only consist of less than 10 students such as myself and the number randomly adds or minus depending on moods and liking.

What do you expect for a dry subject such as Business Law? Anyway, it is one of those modules that exam paper requires 3 hours (common) and yet there don't seem to have enough time to do the paper (uncommon). Oh, and the best part, it is the few modules that allows the students to bring books and notes in, yup, it's an open book sort. Oh, on top of that, even something so part-time such as work, brings about my busy-ness.. Sighz!

Some work that I am only required to work for ten working days (in a month) and yet, filled up my time slots pretty much from time to time. When time permits, I would be out with friends and be doing revision.. Oh, and after a round of evaluating, you guess what, the whole short Trimester took me about 3 months time, and got me like on/off six assignments and three online tests which consists of two online tests being divided into ten different tests which at the end of all will be compiled together to get a total for the online tests.

And one new experiences of another module which I obviously have overlooked a lot and it is Management. The reason for my under-estimation of it is due to the fact that there's no classes scheduled for part-time students like me who usually if there's classes be held in the evening of weekdays, or in the afternoon of a weekend. So, there's more reason for me to read on my own the materials and making sense out of the power point slides, online reading articles, notes and study guides, and voice recordings.

Oh well, wish me good luck.. Examinations in February man!

Have a break.. from Love

This is something that probably told but not blogged about. But anyway, I thought probably, I should as well blog about it and refer to it as the thoughts of my mind whenever I have doubts. You see, I have made a very big decision sometime in 2009 which is going to affect me in the short run. And this decision don't seem to be very welcomed nor responded well when I begin to speak of it back then. It's as a matter of fact, something which I presume noone would have supported this decision anyway, after all we are living in a very 'now' century.

You see, back in 2008, I had this idea. This idea of thriving successes in career and academically, which ultimately, the offspring will be financial stability and intellectual-level benchmarking. And I had planned everything all out nicely and beautifully over the next five years. All about indulging in work and night-classes, befriending more books and texts on top of my social life and personal time. Living a life beyond what Singapore life already gotten me, beyond the 9-to-6 life.

And where do the energy and time come from? It comes from the single and available me. It comes from the already starting to learn to used to the tensed life of evening classes and working out my budgets with the pay from my salary no doubt they are peanuts. And finally the plan has gotten a head start soon after sometime in September (2008).

But here comes a few catches, one of those obvious turn out to be I don't wish to be involved in any relationship, love, dating, or even seeing someone. Something which I suppose was strongly criticized on, and disagreed to by many people that come across such "conditions". Who is to blame? No one! But anyway, shaken it maybe but I still feel it's there for some good personal reasons.

1. The one of those reasons which I think vaild: I wouldn't have time nor energy to initiate, conduct and maintain any of such acts (relationship, love, dating, seeing someone). And if I don't put in these required effort, I don't see a point in being in it. Similarly, why do you go into war zone knowing that you don't have enough resources?
2. Linking to another of my personal choice of getting serious for three relationships, I don't need to rush into my third one anyway. Well, after all I had two relationships count till now.
3. In the age of 20-30, probably, it wasn't the ideal age to get into settlement in Singapore (in gay context) I thought. See, in such critical age, in such competitive country, in such environment, people should be taking responsibilities more in getting career built-up, earning substantial income and making paths for the future. It wasn't easy for some parents to raise some kids up and supporting them financially for 20<>

Hmm.. Don't feel like going on elaborating about it further.. =X But then, after the 5 years, I do wish to at least have achieved a Masters in Accountancy and Certified Public Accountant certifications with roughly 3 years of Audit working experience. Hmm.. Plans mah, made to be achieved. Wish me good luck.

2009, the Year of Change

2009 is being labeled as the 'Year of Change' by us, as in me and my Family. Hmm, but then, what actually is this 'Year of Change' all about? You see, this year, we are expecting lots of changes to be made, to our lives, to our plans, to our interests, to almost anything under the Sun. Well, to certain perspectives, too many things have been left too peaceful and quiet along the years and years. Probably, it is finally a year where we thought about it, and make some changes to the way things have been around.

I suppose with all observation, the first biggest change that's happening is none other than Economic. To all available signs and symptoms showing Economic downturn and Financial Crisis affecting not only the US and Singapore, but World Widely. Terrors struck deep into people's mind, and Companies started to get more uptight with their spending. Recession is usually anything but unavoidable.

And little changes here, little changes there, and I discover that, changes are usually for the better. Although there are changes that are for the worse, but commonly, people would avoid changes.. in a whole. And slowly, I pondered left and right, what kind of changes should I avoid? What kind of changes should I be weary? And what kind of changes do I welcome with an open arm?.. Well, after all, it's a 'Year of Change' right?

Hmm.. and changes approach without giving a fore-warning. It seems to have caused quite a drastic result even though it's not long after 2008 parted us. Oh, yes, I do missed 2008 for the good times, events, songs, people, etc etc. And looking at where I am at now, I suppose I can't really take absolute control over changes, so I'm afraid be the changes good or bad, if it were to happen to me, it'll eventually do so.

Oh, but you know what? Out of all the changes, some, are of course, under control and requires action to be taken by choice, not chance. And some of those are, I have decided to take up a sport: Dragon boat. Not anytime soon though, but it's sure going to happen, just a matter of time. And a second change is that, I have decided to take up volunteer work. Hmm.. And with these two chances at sight, I am sure 2009 won't be that dry and bad after all! Cheers~

Philosophy: Better Save than Sorry

Have you in any circumstances experienced something like this:

That you are living your own life, making your own decisions, speaking up for yourself and doing things for yourself, living up to your matured responsibilities as you. Just then, people doubt you, distrustfully and disruptively, and starts to tell you what to do and how to do your things. And telling you if you do this or do that, what is it that is required of you. And makes you want to just ignore them because more of the explanations you give are just falling on deaf ears and not heard?

And the biggest joke of all is that, if you are folly enough or so as to be trusting enough to follow those instructions, and things didn't went the way it should be, and you got to bare the responsibilities majority and this subject figure starts to apologies... Isn't it a bit too late to say sorry now? And sorry is just so not going to give you a second chance to not repeat such mistake ever again.

Familiar I suppose? Here's a story I have read and learned and know somewhere in this World existed and still kept in my mind but to speak truly, I am not referring to anyone's work in particular and not copying anyone's work as well. If facts or situation somewhat turned out similar or worst, same, please understand that I did not copy it from you okay:

There were once lived this old farmer who lived with his young grandson. One day, this old farmer saw his young grandson going around killing ants which is located right outside the pleace where they stayed. Poor ant and their home are devastatedly wet and flooding. And the old farmer calls to his grandson, 'lad, come over' and the young grandson slowly paced over to his grandpa, 'what is it pups'. On the old farmer holds two things, one is a nail, and the other is a hammer.

Just then, the old farmer told to his young grandson, 'lad, do you know that killing innocent ant is wrong? They didn't disturb you, why did you disturb them?' the sad and regretful young grandson look back at those wet ants and ant nests feeling very bad. Just then, the old farmer past him this hammer and nail in his hands, 'from now on, whenever you did something wrong, take a nail and pound it into this wooden pillar here.' puzzled the young grandson may be, but he remained silent and started pounding the first nail into the pillar. 'And when you did something nice, pull one nail out from the pillar...'

A few more days later, he committed something wrongful, and he took another nail and pounded it into the pillar and some nails are pulled from the pillar. And another few days passes by, and some more nails were driven and more are pulled out from the wooden pillar. Day come, day past, more nails are driven to the pillars and. Until one very day not far from then, the old farmer called to the young grandson, 'come over here' and he slowly strolled over. The old farmer begin saying, 'now do you see the pillar, what has it become?

'Your past bad things may have been uplifted by your past good deeds, but nonetheless, the hole is still there remains in the wooden pillar. So whenever you do anything, consider the outcome. Don't just do, because amendments are just not good enough.'

What have you learned from here? Just something for you to ponder today...

A Vexy Day

This would be one of those days that I am both heart-trapped and mind-troubled and yet racing and battling against time in search of the cure to the source of such bother. One that is able to think and logically construct a reasonable and valid solution, and two it got to consider other intangible complications as well which normally includes things like people's feelings, emotions, etc. Not that I am a trouble seeker, nor am I too free and found nowhere to utilize the same effort and so entangled myself. Well, noone may understand why and what, even though I know exactly why and what it is.

Such a feeling is best described to as vex and the best solution to it is talk it out. Talking is important, at the same time, this talking is very crucial as well. For example, how you talk things out affects the outcome.. Or how about this, the time you choose to talk things out affects the outcome as well, and many other variables. Most important determinants in such a situation in specific, I would think is the people involved. Best kept as two person, but sometimes it just involved more. Talking over the vex feelings is a way to express views under a bit of duress and a bit of extreme conditions of non-ideal environment, which to what I think, doubly adds on the reason to talk.

Only by talking, ideas can be put to known.. And only by talking, the message can be transmitted.. And only by talking, expressions are understood.. And only by talking, can there have a tendency of better communication through vocal. Such communication is important is all circumstances and is applicable to most suggestions you can come up with. Since such a communication is important, there are times when communications ain't as effective or ain't efficiently communicated. So in order for the communication to be effectively and efficiently put across, it requires a general understanding of the concept of one talker and one listener, or one speak and one receive, ideally.

As of the understanding of speaking and receiving, whenever there are more than one speaking and there's only one receiving, the receiving role will overload and mis-communicates. Similarly for one speaking and there's more than one receiving, the different receiver will all capture different things and come up with a lot of different answers, and thus, overloading. And that explains the ideal concept of one speaking and one receiving. Doesn't that just sound wonderful?

Well, no. I didn't have the opportunity to do all those =(

Black Homophobia, Gay and Lesbian Racism

Firstly, I really wish for anyone who gets to read this really read this carefully. I really admired the writer's way of putting such a grand and enormous picture into an article in the most politically acceptable manner. And for the concerns of homosexuality, I guess, the writer really deserves my respect. And I really wish the World (everyone) to read this article with an open-mind. Thank you.

In reference to Prop 8 and the result, I actually tripped by Fridae and discovered an article (News & Features) probing into the Prop 8 situation saying, 'Are black people homophobic? Are gays and lesbians racist? Shinen Wong weighs in on the debate as African American voters are blamed for the passage of Prop 8 which has effectively banned same-sex marriage in California.' (Fridae: News & Features article, 21 Nov 2008) And the article below:

We all live in a myriad of identities, wound up tightly within our sense of ourselves, giving meaning to who we are. I am 24 years old, male, Chinese, Malaysian, Asian, Gay, Queer, College educated, Buddhist, from a Middle Class background, and a writer. All of these identities make sense depending on who is asking. I am racially “Chinese” in Singapore, “Oriental” in the UK, “East Asian” in America, and “tángrén" (唐人) in China. At the age of 24, I am an adult to most 15-year-olds, and a youth to most 40-year-olds. All of these identities are highly contingent on what they are being compared against, and the context in which they may find themselves especially relevant (or not).

Yet, none of my identities can exist apart from one another. My being Chinese alone is meaningless. I am not only Chinese, I grew up in Singapore in the late 20th century, speaking English at home and taught all my major subjects in school in English. I have lived as an immigrant my whole life (being a Malaysian citizen growing up in Singapore), and I was part of a racial majority in Singapore. My parents are of Hakka, Cantonese, and Hokkien background, and spoke Bahasa Melayu growing up in Malaysia. All this affects how I live as a Chinese person in today’s world. I only superficially share the same Chinese identity as people from China, or Chinese Americans, or Chinese people growing up in the UK or in South Africa, or Chinese people who speak Hainanese at home, or Chinese people from the Tang Dynasty. And yet, all of us can claim to share a rich cultural heritage of being Chinese, even if we effectively have less in common to carry on a conversation with each other than I would have with my gay Caucasian roommate here in Sydney.

The same is true for the other identities I have listed. How can my experience of being gay possibly be the same as a 50-year-old Jewish man growing up post-war Germany? And yet, we may both call ourselves gay, though the root definition of the word remains only a flimsy description of who we are in our totality. It is helpful and perhaps even necessary to identify similarly, to a point, until our differences start to override our similarities, and we will have to come to terms with and reconcile ourselves in our differences in order to make meaning out of our interactions with each other.

Nevertheless, most of us have an intuitive understanding of what it means to belong to such and such identity group, whether it be about sex, gender, national identity, racial/ethnic identity, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, and so on. In other words, we understand that having an identity means understanding that there are unspoken rules and definitions of what it means to belong, and we either fit or do not fit these definitions. Most of us on fridae.com have heard the idea that lesbians are all angry man-hating feminists, or that gay men are furniture-rearranging flamboyant narcissists, or that Asian men are submissive and white men are lecherous, and so on. Some of us may fit these descriptions to some extent, while some of us do not. And yet it remains, that one image of a group starts to dominate what it means to be part of the group at all. This is what it means to “stereotype” a community.

Stereotypes may have a basis in statistical truth. At the very least, they have a basis on what images of who we are get to dominate the discussion of who we are in the media, our classrooms, conversations with our friends, or at home with our families.

One of the interesting things about this recent debate about disproportionately high rates of African American voters (70 percent) voting YES on Proposition 8 (which has effectively banned same sex marriage in the state of California), is that it unfairly places the burden of responsibility for social justice activism on a single race group, and has unnecessarily bolstered the racism that characterises a lot of American LGBT politics. African Americans, in their experience of legendary American racism, are suddenly expected to just be more educated about ALL forms of oppression, as if black folks are intrinsically just predisposed to greater moral understanding of all oppression, what has been called a “presumption of civic obligation to support other liberal causes.” This expectation and presumption has been called “exceptionalism.”

The truth, as any of us will know coming from marginalised communities ourselves, is far more complex. Many of us know that gays and lesbians are disproportionately more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, or to commit suicide, and yet we would abhor if our sexuality was directly correlated with drugs, alcohol, and suicide by straight people. This mentality would lend support to the stereotype of gay people as mentally unstable, because we are gay. For many straight folks, our homosexuality alone is the reason for mental instability. We know better, of course. We understand that the root causes of our community’s abuse of drugs and alcohol and mental instability is NOT related to our homosexuality per se, but instead to our oppression, society’s lack of acceptance of us, isolation, and a lack of social support.

Similarly, when African American folks suddenly become the target of blame for the passing of Prop 8, one must wonder, what are the root causes of black homophobia? Is it that black people are just inherently more homophobic than any other racial group? Or could it be that society at large, including the wider LGBT movement, has inadequately addressed the concerns that African Americans disproportionately face? For example, racism in education and a corrupt prison industrial complex that incarcerates African American males at rates far higher than comparable crimes by Caucasian American men? If the No on Prop 8 campaign was to significantly send its message across to African American communities, how could this have been better achieved?

One of the banes of the gay and lesbian movement, particularly in the fight against Prop 8, has been to target and demonise Christianity as the root of all homophobia. And yet, this is ultimately a very myopic move for our liberation. Christianity and religious revivalism in America has historically also been the very tool that has vitalised a cohesive African American identity. In other words, when we speak ill of Christianity because of its contemporaries’ treatment of homosexuality, we indirectly speak ill of the very religion and spirituality that has been a symbol of many African American people’s freedom from literal bondage.

If it is true that Christianity has played a significant part in creating and sustaining all American homophobia (regardless of race), and I am not denying that it has, we must NOT deny that this religion has also brought an IMMENSE amount of relief from suffering, and in fact has helped catalyse monumental changes for historically disenfranchised groups in America as well, including and especially African Americans. This, of course, is not enough. Christianity needs to be reformed if we are to make significant changes in a majority of people’s mindsets about homosexuality. And yet, this reform cannot come in the form of a blanket condemnation or even a blindness to the libratory potential that this complex religion has had for entire communities of people including gays and lesbians.

Since the release of information on African American voting patterns regarding Prop 8, there have circulated reports from African American individuals about having been harassed and called racist names by white gays and lesbians. If black people are homophobic, doesn’t this equally mean that gays and lesbians are racist? My argument is neither yes nor no, but that to answer this question would be redundant. There are, after all, black gays and lesbians, who are no less black or gay or lesbian than any other black person or gay/lesbian person.

Basically, racism is racism, whether from gays or straights, though as gay Asians, we may experience racism from our gay community differently than from a straight community. Similarly, homophobia is homophobia, and has multiple causes, of which race is but one, and possibly not even the most significant one. It is tempting to think that black people or Asian people or Hispanic people are more homophobic than white people, but this is a misleading charge, even when backed by supposed statistical evidence. Evidently, “we,” as non-black gays and lesbians, are prepared to experience homophobia differently from African American voters than from white Mormons. We need to address our community’s racism.

As Audre Lorde, a famous African American lesbian feminist has written, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” Not all black people are homophobic, not all Christianity is homophobic, and certainly not all gays and lesbians are racist. If “we,” as gays and lesbians, are to request other people’s understanding of who we are and why we deserve our needs to be met, we cannot fight homophobia with racism and religious intolerance. We cannot become blind to the cycles of poverty that disproportionately impact communities of colour in the USA. We cannot combat fundamentalist religious dogma with our own brand of violent and anti-spiritual atheism. We cannot close our ears to the needs of people who may have closed their ears to ours.
(Shinen Wong, Fridae: News & Features Article: Black homophobia, gay and lesbian racism, 21 Nov 2008)

Philosophy: Lost and Found

Have you in any circumstances experienced something like this:

One day when you are looking for something (anything) and discovered is not in it's usual place. Thus, you decides to look around for it. Looking for it everywhere, highs and lows, almost turned the room, or even the house, upside-down inside-out. And ended up tired and upset knowing that you still didn't manage to find the thing you needed for the moment. Well, you tried your best and things didn't get done in the end.

And so the next thing you can do is either to borrow from someone who has it for that moment, or get a new one. In the midst of time, you still do miss the one that you have just lost. And the new one serves the best condolence to you. It serves you just the way it should, and do the things it would, and the best part is, it is new. It didn't take you long to re-adapt to this one and soon, everything is easily slipped the mind of you that somewhere in the room, there lies the old one that used to serve you the exact same things this new one did.

The biggest joke of all is that, just when all is gone and lost, one fine day, you tripped over the old thing and to your shocking, is the one you were looking for high and low that very day you felt as if you have lost it. You slowly picked yourself up and bend forward and pick the thing up, dusted it off a little. Take a closer look at it, and there is nothing's changed to it, just the way it was last remembered of. But then, come to think of it, you wouldn't need two of the same thing, and to your frustration, it wasn't there when you needed it back then.

Familiar I suppose? For some, it could be house keys, maybe a wallet that you used for years, or a book that you enjoyed so much, etc. Or sometime, to make things slightly different, it may come back to you the exact same time the new one is not doing what it should.. Does that deserve a different outcome altogether? Something for everyone to think and discover... And feel free to comment on what may have happened to your Lost and Found experience. And to the most of my discoveries, the same philosophy also could come applicable to intangible "things" as well, example, love.

But you know what I think? I find this kind of experience spooky... I hope I won't lose anything soon :)

Gay marriage hangs in the balance

This is one of the Trevvy Scoops that caught my attention to further discuss about this,

“In the minds of many people, Proposition 8 is the most important thing nationally on the ballot,” said Tony Perkins, president of the Washington-based Family Research Council, which supports the measure. “We have survived bad presidents. But many, many are convinced we will not survive this redefinition of marriage.”

Four years ago, Massachusetts became the first state to have gay marriage legalized by its state's Supreme Court. On 15 May this year, California Supreme Court legalized marriage between same-sex couples in San Francisco, Calif. This made California the second state to legalize unions between gay and lesbian couples.

This new ruling set off a rush by gay and lesbian couples to seek legal recognition for their unions, which triggered the expensive battle on Proposition 8.

Religious and civil rights groups, wealthy philanthropists and middle-class donors have poured US$69 million into campaigns for and against Proposition 8. It is described by John Duran, a West Hollywood City Council member and fundraiser for opponents of Proposition 8, to be “the most expensive cultural war in America, ever.”

Proposition 8, which eliminates right of same-sex couples to marry would change California's constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman, was put on the ballot after the ban on gay marriage in California was overturned.

Just one week before the election, campaign finance records show contributions totaling more than US$60 million.“It's a staggering amount,” said Matt Coles, director of the LGBT Project at the American Civil Liberties Union, which opposes the ban. Coles goes on and says that “California is a cultural trendsetter. If voters decide same-sex couples can marry, it has an enormous influence.”

A member from an evangelical group, The Call, emphasizes on the significance of Proposition 8 in California. “As California goes, so goes the whole nation. And in many ways, California is a leadership state for not just America but the whole world.”

It is undoubted that Proposition 8 is important as even presidential candidates revealed their differing stances. Senator John McCain endorsed it and Senator Barack Obama opposed it.

The opponent campaign, “No On 8”, has garnered tremendous support from major companies such as Apple Computers, the founders of Google, Yahoo, Adobe Systems and Levi Strauss & Co.

High-profile celebrities such as Barbara Streisand, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Bridget Fonda, Melissa Etheridge, Mary J Blige, Brad Pitt and Ellen DeGeneres have stepped out to show their support for "No On 8", helping with fundraising and creating awareness.

Influential political figures such as Bill Clinton and Senator Dianne Feinstein have also lent their voices to “No On 8”.

In a telephone call to California voters, Bill Clinton delivered a message regarding the unfairness of Proposition 8. “If I know one thing about California, I know that is not what you're about. That is not what America is about. Please vote NO on 8. It's unfair and it's wrong. Thank you.”

Senator Dianne Feinstein spoke directly to voters on a new television spot on the NO on Prop 8 campaign, telling Californians “Proposition 8 would be a terrible mistake for California. It’s about discrimination and we must always say NO to that.”

Proponents of Proposition 8 set out to oppose same-sex marriages with a massive campaign, “Yes On 8”, which organizes television ads and fundraising. Sonja Eddings Brown, spokeswoman for the “Yes On 8” campaign says that “the impact of Proposition 8 is going to set a precedent for the United States of America.”

“Yes On 8” warned in their Ads that schoolchildren “will be taught about gay marriage unless we vote yes on Prop 8.” This prompts “No On 8” to respond with commercials featuring California's top educator, Superintendent Jack O'Connell.

“Our schools aren't required to teach anything about marriage, and using kids to lie about that is shameful,” says O'Connell. While there are 2 distinct parties on Proposition 8, there is also a group of people who is conflicted. “They don't like gay marriage, but they don't like taking something away from other people,” says Matt Cole.

A University of California psychology professor, Greg Herek, who specializes in research on sexual orientation, said as a group, blacks, even those who support gay rights, tend to oppose same-sex marriage.

Herek, who opposes the ban, comments that “It's true the African Americans may turn out to vote against Proposition 8, but the younger may be more supportive of gay marriage.”

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign says that “A setback for same-sex marriage in California would deprive the gay rights movement of the opportunity to show mainstream America what happens when gay couples can marry.”

Nonetheless, the fight continues as polls show that the race for the proposition is tight. Both parties, “No On 8” and “Yes On 8”, each believe that their victory is extremely crucial to shape public attitudes about same-sex marriage in the US under the next administration.

Updates: California voters have approved a constitutional amendment outlawing same-sex marriage. This overturns the California Supreme Court's decision that gave gay couples the right to wed on 15 May 2008. Proposition 8 led by a 52%-48% margin.
(Team Trevvy, Trevvy.com, 3 Nov 2008)

What's really gotten into these people's head.. Sighz. They did mention that California is a cultural trendsetter, which means the whole Country's cultural changes must first be experienced by California before the rest of the other states gets affected and change. How interesting. By the way, I ain't towards activist, but just that anything that steps on my tail or influences my future, I believes that I shall be given my share of influencing it the way I prefer. And thus my discussion.

In the whole article, we can see that Proposition 8 is a California state ballot proposition on over-riding the decision that recognize same-sex marriage as fundamentally right. Proponents of Proposition 8 are Senator John McCain, Senator Tom McClintock, Superintendent Jack O'Connell, California's top educator.

Opponents of Proposition 8 are Matt Coles, director of LGBT Project of American Civil Liberties Union, Senator Barack Obama, Apple Computers, the founders of Google, Yahoo, Adobe Systems, Levis Strauss & Co., Barbara Streisand, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Bridget Fonda, Melissa Etheridge, Mary J Blige, Brad Pitt, Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Clinton, Senator Dianne Feinstein and Greg Herek, a psychology professor.

Wow.. Interesting right?! Alot of involvement indeed, and with what I can see, there seems to have enormous support from the society to go against Proposition 8 and lesser agrees to it. I'm sure the situation sounds more stickier to know that those conventional and traditional believers of religions are on the for Proposition 8. Noting that this is described as "the most expensive cultural war in America, ever." And I tried and search for the result of voting, guess what? (drum rolls... ...)

With the info from Wikipedia, 52.2% voted Yes and 47.8% voted No. Guess the people gotta work harder next time.. But what I truely believes is that, sometimes the reason why thing shows the otherwise is due to undue distress and undue influence. Always believe that ignorance is around to strike on people's fear, people are always more selfish and choose a "wrong" but peaceful life than "right" but rocky life. "Right" and "Wrong" are just social application passing of judgement with more focus on moral and reasoning I hope, but to achieve this is just an idealistic concept which can never be achieved that is to say. That's why such things are often also known as Ideologies.

Special* : Woah! Heart broken...

As a person, I understand how easy it is to perceive and presume. Out of human nature, both laziness and convenience, people usually take the easy way out in judging person. After all, how understanding can a person really gets.. and not to forget, it takes constant effort and time to really understand someone, or even an event (or situation) carefully to past judgment onto it. Out of circumstances, people's mind are required to think faster than the mouth, and in any usual 'picture', mouth acts after than brain could.. And this explains for the saying, 'talking is cheap'.

As the brief introduction I wrote on top summaries a bit about the heart broken part.. And how did all the things happen, why not let me put it in a story-telling form and you'll understand why:

Out of one sunny and fair weather, I was in a pretty good mood. With clear-mind and high spirit, I and Darius planned to spend time together, just the two of us. The kind of situation seems pretty weird between I and Darius is a very long past event. And from the emphasis of the 'just the two of us', it is reasonable to assume that we kind of wanted to be left alone.. and yes, we are Friends (Friends with a big 'F', there's great emphasis on the caps 'F' and 'f', so mind this). I planned to meet him right after I finish getting my dental appointment, I'm suppose to go there and get my surgical portion checked for infection and a bit of washing and am ready to go.

We walked practically the whole of Singapore central area, including Orchard area, City Hall area and Bugis. From Tanglin Mall area, we figured our way walking to Bugis to get some errand done, collect Wireless and adapter thing. And then, we proceed to Bugis Junction TCC sit down and chat over coffee. I just love the feeling of tai tai (in Chinese. English it means women living on high society's life).. the feeling of no worries and chilling out, putting aside all stress and burden of the mind. And sometimes, can be pretty inspiring and brings out topics and conversations.

Something about this Darius guy.. A pretty rare species of Capricorn whether when it comes to speaking, thinking or acting. Can easily create confusion and likes to speak halfway and stop. It's very hard to get things done on his side, and usually knowing people is easy for him, but to come across really sincere people is very scarce. Can be pretty much of a weakest link somewhere.. I guess he doesn't really put his heart to the things he does. Motivation level in life: three out of ten stars.

Okay, back to the story. So after the enjoyable time we had at Bugis TCC, we got back on our foot and start walking to Shaw House and then to Suntec City. Why to Shaw House, is because I made a mistake in telling him there's two building: one is called Shaw Tower in Bugis area and the other Shaw House which some called it Liat Tower aka Isetan. Big mistake, didn't have enough sleep.. so to Shaw House we went. After that, to Suntec City, then the critical part came...

We spoke about something maybe we shouldn't have. Darius was telling me how his group of friends thought of me. Well, a bit info about this group of friends. Darius closest group of friends are a group of people that usually do club (just like I do). And Darius did showed me those important figures that is more closer and more dearer to him. And next he said something like his group of friends was commenting why was he still so keen in me when I behaves pretty loose in club.. in the way of when Darius is around can still go dance with people, etc.

It caught my attention, 'I'm listening...' and Darius continued.. His friends thinks that I don't really deserve such a nice guy, Darius, and something like can just dump me and move on looking for other guys lah. Thinking back, Darius did mentioned a few instances which seems to be mattered by him and not me saying I dances with people I don't know (don't remember that). It didn't hit me that hard then.. I was thinking, 'Darius know me long enough to know what I do and what I don't. Misunderstanding perhaps...'

But I don't know why, what was being said seems to stay in my mind longer than usual. I usually don't care about how insignificant people comments in my life, because the core value 'I live my life, not them'. But comments coming out from some of this friends seems pretty bothering at times, as if I really care about how they think. Daniel, Joel and several others perhaps... Well, I really shouldn't as they don't know me well, assumptions usually ain't the true-est when come out this way. What's happening to me lah...

X+Y = SEX? Ya this is TRUE

I came across this interesting "thing" in Trevvy today and say this in Missing Connection and caught my attention. This "unusual" post seems to be slightly 'bo liao' (in Hokkien. Chinese: wu liao. English: boring) But then again, since it took my attention, so just read it. And so it says:

'x + y = love or sex??

X + Y = SEX and Not Love right? or ?

Ha Ha
Boy + Girl = Love & Sex
Boy + Boy = SEX
Why?

Simple math logic pls as below......
Boy + Girl = Love & Sex
Reason : They are normally steady and this is normal cos they will ended up having a proper family and get legal married.

Boy + Boy = SEX
Reason : Both Boy having Sex is not proper in local by law. However.....

No Sex = No Love = Everything is NO Cos CAN't Click pls

Have SEX = Can Click = Everything also OK

Thus, if everything is = OK....So it means Both of these 2 boy are attached either as lover or as sex buddy or as good friend or as close shopping buddy etc.....

To the cute guy who is looking for the ans this is the reply cos U are a cute nice TOP but too bad I am Top also MUCK haha'
by crystalgear (24 Oct 2008)

I read this a total of five to ten times, and start thinking in my mind of everything.. whether it make sense or not, whether is that information accurate, the nature of my analytical state of mind's response, etc. And here's my few conclusions:

"Top" gay man can't think that deeply into a specific issue without the emphasize on Sex. As of on top, it is clearly stated so with some loopholes, such as, 'Boy + Boy = SEX; Reason : Both Boy having Sex is not proper in local by law' and 'No Sex = No Love = Everything is NO'. For the first instance, we are comparing this statement with 'Boy + Girl = Love & Sex; Reason : They are normally steady and this is normal cos they will ended up having a proper family and get legal married.' The obvious differentiation in this two variations are Boy + Boy and Boy + Girl.. Sociology once again (Anson's and mine hot topic). The problem with this sentence lies in the norm expectations of Boy are meant to have a Girl instead of Boy, which if you look properly into the aspect of the even BIGGER picture, it displays uncertainty with this norm implications.

Law comes into the picture of Love. Should it be the case in the first place? Just because Matrimony bonding are recognized by Law, this this stuff is legalised by Law, that that thing is not legalised by Law, thus people thought Law is the next thing to depend on. BIG mistake.. Law is formed on the society upbringing and acceptance. Human forms the society when human belongs to you and I. But in this 'you and I' it does not take into consideration of a lot of things, for instance, a more related consideration is sexual orientation. Why? Cause Law is suppose to be a fair medium, non-biased. And since human is imperfect (a literally correct statement), then we can make a reasonable assumption saying that Law is imperfect. When it comes to something non-definable subject such as Love, it should refrain from the implications of Law even if Law prosecutes.

'Have SEX = Can Click = Everything also OK'??? The ability to enjoy an activity (in this case sex) really represents the ability to have relate two person together.. is this even a good assumption? Coming out from a gay man (in this case, I think top or bottom isn't an issue), I guess, the only thing that actually went through the mind coming out with such equation is actually the desired part of outcome, Sex. The "body of the formula" that suppose to be the components to make up the answer has not been carefully and accurately considered... FAIL! Let me put it in a more straightforward manner: 'Have SEX = Can Click' is it totally true? 'Have SEX = Everything also OK' is it totally true? 'Can Click = Everything also OK', is it totally true? How about a NO for an answer.

From all these, I learned three new things: I sure am ART-streamed talented. Ignorant people is still running free hurting innocent (somewhere in this picture was me). It's gonna take hell of a effort for me to find that someone.

P.S. In case anyone thinking if the cute guy is it me, the answer is no, I was just a passer-by of the C.A.P. post.

It's not wise to keep Wisdom Teeth II

And the day come upon me like a stumbling crowds of sea wave. I am going to visit a private recommended surgeon somewhere near Tanglin Mall, Orchard Boulevard: Camden Medical Centre. Today is the very first time I felt lost and helpless when trying to locate the place, used to be very dependent on someone or even anyone to guide and direct the route, and then, I was all alone. Haha.. Anxious I was, telling myself 'I'm Singaporean, sure won't get lost one' and on the other hand, I was perspiring away.

The temperature was hot and humid and the road was busy as ever. Finally, I found it.. Camden Medical Centre, wa-la~~! I felt as thought I have just discovered a whole new place where the whole building is of medical hub, like a lost city like that. Anyway, my purpose there is still to face my remaining fear right, extraction of wisdom teeth part 2. The surgeon I was recommended to is a fine man call Dr. Winston Tan and the unit is called 'The Oral Maxillofacial Practice'. And so, I gave him the referral letter and my X-ray sheet..

The price in comparison to the previous time at National Dental Centre is so much more affordable (God Damn NDC...). I won't list the price here due to the discreptancy that could arise from variations of prices with other. And the most important thing is, all the expenses was charged to Medisave. Wow-wee.. Financially saved, I agreed to do the surgery there and then lo. Constitution to the overall experience was Price, Pain, Uncomfortableness, Time, Efficiency and Facility, and I would say it is considerably Great! I don't feel much pain after the extraction (but I did have enormous headache) and the rest are relatively Great. This means actually tooth extraction isn't always a fearful thing, but just how the surgeon does it.

After the extraction, out of fear, since my previous extraction I experienced intolerable amount of pain that will just kill my appetite and mood off, I immediately drop by Mac Donald at Tanglin Mall and have my first dosage of painkiller. And after that, bookstore hoping from Wheelock Place Borders to Takashimaya Kinokuniya. And then, time flies pretty fast and it's time to meet Hong Joon at The Cathay, Aston le. I think I may have frightened Hong Joon for the very first time to display the black and long face of mine with huge fractions of silence and major bad mood.

A word to Hong Joon, 'sorry if I've ruined part of your hope to meet me in a gloomy working day with my bad experience I was facing. But, nonetheless, what is planned to be done, I'll still do it (with minimum complaint and maximum tolerant), but don't ask for anything more than what I can.. Those silly sympathy doesn't work with me, eg. if not, why not you just go. Thanks for your accompany anyway.'

Oh, after a dinner and me shopping for my "later dinner", we depart. One thing, the bleeding is pretty bad that it's still bleeding after 6hours after surgery. Hope it stops soon.. And looking forward for my delicious solid food once again. Yummy yummy stuffs, I think I'm craving for pasta right now.. Aww, so sad gotta suppress it for now. Gotta catch lotsa rest from the busy and long day, ciaos..

P.S. I guess that's why I haven't been online for the whole day. Misses my Facebook and MSN.

Grumble Grumble...

Hmm.. Today I'm pretty grumpy and I don't know why also. But wasn't so bad lah, just that I ain't in the best form to understand and just feel a lot of things could have been better or so.. Well, where shall I start my grumbling. Went clubbing yesterday and had a fun night, but was really dead beat after the night of fun and music (no focus on people). Was with Joash, Ian, Daniel and Darius for the night, very usual kind of clubbing to me (of course is as usually fun for me as well without the need to emphasize). Got home by a usual 4 plus as well and carried myself to the bed and snoring away.

Didn't sleep much, at least I don't feel the replenish of energy after the sleep. Had this very sloppy and slack feeling, but then, I didn't cuddle further into the afternoon when I used to. Didn't feel like it and as well, stomach growled on me. Hmm.. so ignored the fact that I was still tired, I go and make breakfast, mind you, 11 plus a.m. is still breakfast (not brunch, yet). And surf net there after..

Whether fortunately or unfortunately, sky cry out loud to me, that is one of the least expected surprises that really hits the jackpot to ruin my day. Didn't affect me a lot though, just the fact that I'll feel so comfy MSN-ing and dampen the mood to go out and gotta carry a foldable umbrella out which made me gotta carry a bag out, when I don't have the habit of carrying a bag when unnecessary.

When on MRT, I suppose noone will expect can would expect this, Kent (my didi) called me but after a second of ringing, it died off. And I didn't even have the chance to pickup the call and missed it. The problem lies in, I know that it's Kent who purposely call and hang up on me, hoping that I would call him back. Possibilities of wanting to ask me go out, chat, or just manage his mood, but the thing is, what's the deal with him and his call thing? Never mind, shall ignore that, this really is the majority contribution to make me feel even more vex, since I don't want to call him back but yet noone to ascertain my uncertainty feeling. Obnoxious.. Back to the thing. And of course was late, well, everyone was late =) except the planner of the evening, Hong Joon.

And so, Hong Joon, Lloyd, Nick, Derek, Thong Kee, William and I met up. Then we went to this cafe thingy, a small and cosy place, not fanciful at all, but just a normal looking unit. With square couches on the left and huge wooden tables on the right, and we had dinner there.. The cafe is Minds Cafe. Actually I heard of the place so long time ago, but it's just being spoke of over a period of mere and scarce few weeks from my cousin. 'Oooh, Minds Cafe have game A, game B, game C and ... and its this fun, that fun... how fun...' Hmm.. you know sometimes can get annoying to think of it back then.

Anyway, let's start with the food shall we? The food to what I think, I ordered something pretty simple actually, at some places they call it Chicken Cutlet, and them they call it Chicken Platter.. Oh well, whatever they call it, I would still fail it, it sucked big time. Hey dude (Minds Cafe) it's not the matter of naming and pictures of food you know, at least have the normal Kopitiam Western food standards and I could have perceived it better. Say 1 out of 5 is what I would grade it. The environment is pretty noisy and can get even noisier if more people are present. Well, it's pretty alright for so, but not over-doing bah.

The games are fun. Should have suggested to eat dinner elsewhere and go there just for the board games and the whole thing would have been so much better. It's merely $2.50 per hour, imagine with seven person, all we need is just to pay $2.50 each and we could've play for seven hours le. Drinks, I had Iced Latte Float (Latte with ice cream), slightly below average I would say, but the brownies were good. That's the only food that I thought was above average. Now to the board games, it does have quite a variety of games and they're all pretty new to me, except for some very old school games (e.g. Monopoly, Risks, Uno, etc).

Oh, Anson went dating today. Was pretty amazing to me, since he doesn't really have the intention to meet this guy and just decided to meet him for the sake of doing so. Thought he could join me for dinner (lucky did not..) and talk to me about the date. From Anson's sms, to my interpretation, seems pretty neutral and below. So sad.. but oh well, I wanna dedicate the below Music Video to my Family, especially the left single ones, and most importantly for Anson.

Too Much (Spice Girls, 1997)


Love is blind, as far as the eye can see
Deep and meaningless words to me
Easy lover, I need a friend
Road to nowhere, twist and turns but will this never end
Well my dear you know that he pleases me (Pleases me)
But short-term solution ain't no resolution
There ain't no release for me...

Too much of something is bad enough
But somethings coming over me to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Unwrap yourself from around my finger
Hold me too tight or left to linger
Something fine, built to last
Slipped up there, I guess we're running out of time too fast
Yes my dear you know he soothes me (Moves me)
There's no complication, there's no explanation
It's just a groove in me

Too much of something is bad enough (Bad enough)
But something's coming over me to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough (Just as tough)
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

What part of no don't you understand (Understand, understand)
I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can...

Boy who thinks he can...
Too much of something is bad enough
But something's coming over me to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Too much of something is bad enough
But somethings coming over me to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Too much of nothing so why don't we give it a try
Too much of something we're probably living a lie
Too much of nothing so why don't we give it a try
Too much of something we're probably living a lie
Too much of nothing so why don't we give it a try
Too much of something we're probably living a lie
LyricWiki.org (18 Oct 2008)