Signs & Symptoms

This is what my "5th October" says:

'The Eight of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in space. I am true to myself and will only regret the chances I don't take to seek or follow my hearts desire. I turn away from or make a clean sweep of that which does not honor or sustain my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone. I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go.' -Astrology.com

I think these three days makes a one very important point, one that either I am true to myself, or I am not true to myself but I still have the time to change and be true to myself. It's been a big bother to me, and all started right from the point of me having a new hair cut (yup! I have a new hair style now...) and I don't know where to place the end to the boundary of extend. Haunting season is close and I think I got to face myself soon, and I know I am not going to like it. I can still remember the very past of me when I was single after my first break-off with my first love... I am almost like Autism patient, quietly staying in my room staring blankly at the wall, or ceiling (when I should be at the internet and outside).

Used to do lots of evaluation and re-evaluation in the past, but when I came to become busy and more busy, I lost my rhythm and do lesser and lesser each time I give an excuse for myself. "Oh, everything is going well, don't think I should evaluate. In fact I should appreciate..." And now, is such a long distant thing which I got to conduct even though I am not very keen in doing it. So many feelings have lost through the brush on time, and what's left is the memory lane.

'I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go.' Sigh, it is pretty obvious to me that the card is speaking to me today pretty precisely. Usually, it would be more blunt in what it's try to say. And this is not very helpful, so to speak cause it's followed before.. 'I (turn away from/make) a clean sweep of that which does not (honor/sustain) my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone.' Trying to make me choose what I gonna do with this.. Gonna sigh again.

My Quote section came in this:

Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.
~Henry David Thoreau

And then, now that I am thinking of what Anson said to me on the very Sunday early-time. I guess maybe he got me this time, hit right on the nail. Really starting to doubt on myself and everything else I did. Was I hiding? Was I running from the problem? Did I faced it, or did I thought I faced it? How come all the used to be answered doesn't seem to have any answer now.. Pretty screwed-up at this time of the period in the year. How come must there be so much pain to feel and so little sweetness to taste...

It is either God or Fate hinting me intensively on something alright... Turning away from the screen and start pondering...

P.S. Even though all my references are of Wikipedia, but always remember they are just for references and nothing else.