Disclaimer: All Rights Reserved, avoid further reading if HOMOPHOBIC. Emphasis that there might have contents not suited for the eyes of 21 and below. The events depicted in this blog entry is fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.
As previously, we stopped at
But then, deep in my mind, I suppose, a new form of omen has started to show it's way. What's in Elvis's mind about me? What was sleeping beside me all about? Wild thoughts, unfruitful thinking occupied my mind from time to time whenever it was empty for a short period of time. An another weekend later, I agreed to be with Benji. Although there was still a lot of holes to fill in order for the relationship to turn frutiful and functional, but thinking that if it was Benji's true self to give in to me, to do all that for me in love, all would turn out well eventually.
It was an open announcement, probably in a form of blows to the people that lay interest on me, and good news to my friends that showered love and care for me. But nonetheless, whatever that I used to live my life with, with clubbing and friends, with knowing new friends through internet and meeting up from time to time with my own friends, will stay. Nothing much changed, except that now, I live my life as attached and not single, and there is one more person to consider when I make any decisions.
Elvis, on the other hand, was still my friend. But strangely, after knowing the news that I was attached, he grew anxious and all worked up. Soon, words so true came out from his mouth just so smoothly one fine day (or night rather). Telling me that he found out that he do harbor feelings for me, and regretted to tell me so before I made my decision with Benji that very night we planted our hopes and got attached. Elvis felt that he grew to love me very soon after he got to know me and days later he got to know more about me.
And more, Elvis was the emotional and sentimental kind of guy that would learned to cherish romantic and meaningful love stories and put all his heart and soul in enjoying the story, even though it may be fictitious. And he shared this fiction with me: Feng Yan Feng Yu. It was all written in Chinese characters and some even with all the complex old chinese characters which we present day don't use anymore. The whole story is really a lot, but nonetheless, it didn't stopped him from getting me a copy and hopefully that I would find time to read.
Well, people that knows me well would understand that I am not a habitual reader. And in fact, I won't read unless it somewhat is my lost of not reading it. A not very book person, but rather, I would listen to people telling me what is in the book. But still, with such great effort, I read. Slowly, characters by characters, sentences by sentences, making senses and slowly seeps meaning to what I was reading. And soon I conqure pages by pages slowly day-in day-out whenever I have the time.
Back to the confession. I was in pure dilemma and handsful. Mind was so messed up and for one thing that's in my mind, I don't wish to hurt anyone and definitely a mishandling of that situation was not an option. Rejection was not the usual choice which I would take. Probably it never was my kind of answer. The worst was that neither acceptance was my choice. As a non-conformist, I believe in monogously attached form the first day that I stepped into the
circle. Faithfully being together is not a choice, but the way.
July 29th. I planned to take a portion of my time out to help Elvis with his birthday plan. He planned to do a BBQ at East Coast Park. As always so well planned, I have no worries that things crop out last minute. And like the Elvis I knew, all situations will eventually be under-controlled. All I did was to present at the BBQ, helped out in carrying stuffs, looking after stuffs, and talk with his friends. Very friendly and outgoing friends he have, and fun-loving too. And so I stayed for that short while.
The same day is a usual Saturday, which I would go down to club and spend the entire night out there. With some familiar faces and known friends, and some hi-bye friends as well, that day was no exceptions. I never make exceptions for anyone anyway. Not with boyfriends, not with anyone. And the night was just another normal clubbing night, but I suppose Elvis's mind left just as I left his BBQ that night. And later on after my club, insisted to come over, drop by and give me a lift.. as well as my boyfriend.
The very night I remember, I took Elvis's handphone by mistake and I panicked.. I mean, how can the phone ended up in my possession suddenly? Anyway, Elvis came back for the phone and I felt bad for making him made such a turn for a blundle. In the whole night, Benji pulled a long face. For me, something to take note, but nothing to mention. Afterall Benji got all his freedom to feel whatever that he like. And all I did was to be me.
That night, Benji wanted to sent me to my void deck, and after that wait at my void deck. Waiting for the first MRT Train to operate around 6plus in the morning. We took a long talk. I told Benji, stop being silly and sticky to me. Sending me home and such. You know, all these make things to be such a high upkeep. Can you imagine that for the honeymoon period soneone do a lot of things for you, but probably when he gotten tired of doing all those things, he just choses not to do all those things for you anymore.
And this is when problems arise, when things changes, that when things that used to be done just stopped getting done. I detests something like that. And for that, I have more reasons to learn to be more independent. So that it would not add excessive weightage to the partner, and more importantly to the love, at the end of the day. And I finally learned that I do not appreciate short-term showing of love and care, I appreciate consistency of love and care. And my night (or day) for that day ended so. TBC (To Be Continued)...
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