Something about Me, Something about Gay and Something about Love V

Disclaimer: All Rights Reserved, avoid further reading if HOMOPHOBIC. Emphasis that there might have contents not suited for the eyes of 21 and below. The events depicted in this blog entry is fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

As previously, we stopped at

But strange enough, that my memory served me too well, that it have totally lost track of how things have ended other then just three SMS. In a very day, on a very night, and I can clearly recall I was in Bugis area when I received his breakup SMS. I am able to recall I was more anger than sad, more disturbed than devastated. And immediately within 10days, I have rebounded back on my feet and mind and soul about him and start a life without him, but as friends. And now, that I dared to acknowledge that back then I was strong and simple. Life went on...

Nothing smells as good as single. The air, the feeling, the intensiveness and even the kind of conversation. It was really such a relieve. I caught the most natural and relaxing piece of breathe in the entire year. And all I need to do is enjoy while I could, enjoy the peace of single can get and the time one can offer. I clubbed as I would and drink as I would and of course, expand my social circle and friends as I would. But what I had in the past is no longer what I enjoyed there after. The group that I clubbed with, the people that I contacted with, and the people I hangout with... is like being segregated by a glass wall. You see them, can wave to them and say hi, but you can never be with them as the past, the proximity, is all gone just like dust.

I began to group hop whenever I club. I don't stick to a singular group, and even if I do, it won't be long before I start to hop to elsewhere again. But then, the group that I enjoyed the company then was with Shawn and Ken and group. This particular group is a mixed of a few unique cultural, and one of all is Drag Queens. A group pretty proactive to homosexual promotion and even organizes rainbow competition to go international to compete for the crowning of Drag Queen (can you imagine that?).. And by the way, Drag Queen basically means a guy who likes to put on makeup and dressed up and appear exactly like a woman (with boobs too).

It isn't long before the next cute raver that clubs in Why Not comes over to get to know me in person and start to fall for me. I wasn't really into relationship then of course, but that wasn't going to end there. I enjoy watching people fall in love, I enjoy being an observer and see the sweet lovey dovey couple remains happy. And the most important aspect of me came in, to observe construction and destruction of love in progress. Of course by staying as a non-involved person. That is where I was when I choose to be single. And other then not wanting a relationship, at the same time, I don't expect people to want one with me either.

Time and again, people misunderstood my actions and intentions. Then I began to understand, I have learned to become complicated after I learned how relationship works in human. Differentiation from heterosexual and homosexual, and the most unpleasant of all, bisexual. If you look things carefully, you can see that both the straights and the gays share a number of things in common, and the weakest link is the bi-people. Some way or another, a lot of things will pour in to a person life the least the person expects, for example, you may not want your life to be as happening as the waves of the sea, but things would normally happen the otherwise.

It seems short, but feels long, to feels that my easy and simple single hood is coming to a close end. I ended up being fond and showered with love from nine (I repeat, nine, as in 9) people. Each of which knows me in a different situation, a different way, at a different time, pursued me, trying to persuade me into relationship (or maybe so, I thought). And least do I expect me myself to choose to be attached to someone in this manner, in the most undesirable manner of being in a relationship not because of wanting to be in a relationship with the person.

You will be able to hear tons and millions of sweet words such as "I only want to be with you...", "I would be single even if I were not picked...", "I wish to love you more...", "Where are you, I want to meet you...", etc etc. Imagine that from nine different people. Well, ultimately, I asked one person to give me one month grace period to consider if I would be with him, one intention is to "buy" time, another is to verify his probability to be with me, and third would be to embrace my last few periods of freedom. And so the clock starts ticking, and counting down. To say the word most truly, I wasn't very keen initially, but once started, I will learn in my own ways to develop keenness for the person.

The very night the countdown reaches zero, is a Saturday that I would clubbing. And as it is close to 12mn, we excused ourselves to the open air for some space of my own. I asked if is this really what he wanted, and he said yes. And I furthermore drew my territory by starting lots of my terms and lots of conditions, and he agreed all at the same go. And there was the time and period when my other eight pursuers gotten disappointed and one emerged to be deemed both lucky and important to me from then onwards, I declared to be in a relationship with this guy, called Benji.

A little introduction about this guy Benji: He is the kind of everyday guy whom you see on the streets, not eye-catching at all, neither is he the kind of people's guy. It is very easy to missed him, if you don't even know him. His presence is like a breeze, for a moment you may mark him around, the next moment you may have forgotten about him being around. He don't socialize as much, neither does he the kind of guy who you would like to socialize with. If you have slightly more fate with him, you may ended up with him speaking of more then enough conversation in your whole life, if not, you wouldn't even bother but to just sustain a few 'hi's and 'have a great day'. A workaholic that doesn't really have the kind of measures as to what he can expect before things happen, but he sure is one big fan of determination and endurance. TBC (To Be Continued)...